Reflecting

Bob Dylan - Don't Think Twice It's Alright

Today is December 25th.

If you could make one wish, What would it be?

An old friend told me to reflect upon this year.

So I am reflecting.

I choose not to reflect upon only this year, but the past few ones.

And what do I see ?

I see a girl that was too eager to see the world. That had many dreams, most of which came true. A girl who only ever lived to be free and taste independance. That had set up goals, all of which have been achieved.


But tonight it doesn't seem enough. And I am starting to wonder : will it ever be, enough?

I've seen some beautiful places, met people that inspired me and others that challenged me. And along the way I learnt many things about myself, and became the person that I am today. However, I am starting to feel like slowing down. For the first time in my life, I don't want to think. I don't want to plan. I want to be able to just enjoy "now", this moment.

And what am I afraid of?

I am afraid that everything that I have done up until now will just be a memory and that I will no longer see beautiful places and get that same feeling I had when my foot touched the ground of New York on that warm Summer day.

The words of someone are still in my head: "Be careful, the wheel of fortune turns round". Is that so?

Maybe that is the very reason why I've always wanted to plan, and plan more, and do things, more things, so many things I can't actually fit in one schedule: keep myself busy so that I never stop and the wheel of fortune will never turn round.

Lately though, I have found myself escaping from my obligations. I have found myself not wanting to plan anymore, because I realised something.

I realised that after this year, my last year of studies, I will be faced with real responsabilities. All my years of working and interning in different cities over the summer was all I wanted: being given responsabilities. It was supposed to prepare me for the "real life". But now that it is so close to actually happen, my "real life", I feel like backing off. And running away.

The other night I saw a documentary on TV that took my breath away. Even though it was about exotic birds, a subject that doesn't necessarily appeal to me, it showed breathtaking sceneries of uninhabited places on Earth. And within a second, I thought to myself: this is it. This is what I want to do. What I want to see. What I need. Why not take some time off before "real life" kicks in and see all those places that I haven't seen yet? I was only ever interested in big cities. Concrete jungles. But lately, I have been dreaming of other places. And even if they are only dreams and might never be fulfilled, I have to say that they are warming me on the inside and giving me the perspective of a new, unplanned, route... And I am really liking this new feeling.

On a Cold October Day

I dream of white clouds 

in the shape of cotton candy 

hanging above my bed. 

I dream of fields of gold. 

And bubbles that I would blow 

So high in the air they would reach the sky. 

 This is what I feel like saying on a day like this. Because today is one of those days where you feel like going for a long walk in corn fields or along a river, but you can't. Because the weather is rubbish. And then there are other days where the sun is shining and one would thought "What a perfect day to go out and do something", but there is so much that you need to get done (such as studying, in my case). So you can't. What an irony.

However, there is always something that happens at some point that makes it all worth it in either scenarios. For me, it's a video that I stumbled upon (below). It may sound silly ("a video?"), and when you'll have viewed it, you may not understand, but this video moved me. Maybe it's the song (Julia by the Beatles), maybe it's Priscilla Ahn's soothing voice, maybe it's the different clips that show beautiful sceneries. Wathever it is, it made my soul travel, warmed me on the inside and put a smile on my face. I hope you are smiling too.

Show Me Your Room

The Beatles - Blackbird

My 2 fish, Dr Kovac (right) & Wrigley

A painting of mine

My ukulele, bought in a guitar shop in Manchester, UK
Candles from Ikea

Daisy by Marc Jacobs
Chloé by Chloé
Vintage box from Cachet
Mirror from Ikea

My Victoria's Secret products