The best thing about road trips is the songs you listen to in the car. One of my to-do things before I die is to take a road-trip in Ireland and in the US. One day I will do that. I just, um, have to work on the driving license thing first. What is nice about being a passenger though, is that you get to be the DJ, choosing the songs, etc. And it's less tiring, too. But still, one day, I will ride a convertible on the highway of the Arizonian desert to the sound of Bob Dylan, wind in my hair, stay in creepy motels in the middle of nowhere and dine at 50's-style burger diners on the road. Yes, this is my dream. The cherry blossom girl caught it perfectly:
In the meantime, here are a few pictures of my last road trip. A bit less summer-y and glamorous, you'll forgive me...
I've lived in Lausanne most of my life since I was 5 years old. Compared to London or New York, it's a village. But in comparison to other places in Switzerland, it's a proper city. When you live in a rather small town, you tend to bump into people you know on a daily basis. It's been 3 years now that I've studied and worked in Geneva though, so I've stopped hanging out in Lausanne. I started to think it is always "done that, seen that". But last Tuesday, something really great and unexpected happened.
A friend of mine from University came over to visit me from Geneva for a little post-exams celebration. I decided to take her to Kai Zen, one of my favourite bars here, just because it reminds me of the ones in London. It was really quiet -- well, it was a Tuesday afterall, and even on a Saturday night, the streets aren't full of people. So we made our way to another bar that I used to go to a lot when I was younger, le Bleu Lézard. And there the great thing happened. There was a jam session, and, I had no idea, but apparently, it's on every Tuesday night starting from 11pm... Just when I thought that Lausanne couldn't surprise me anymore.
I met a lot of new people, most of whom were musicians, but also old friends that I'd lost touch with. Listening to live music and talking to very interesting people made my night. And I do believe that it is a sign in some way: a few hours earlier, my friend had asked me to play her some tunes on the guitar when we were at my place, and as I was playing, it was as if I'd found back a feeling that I thought was gone. My voice sounded different too, I could feel every word that I was singing, I could feel a connection to them. So meeting musicians afterwards, and having the opportunity to play on stage in the near future, it was definitely some sort of sign that I should get back into Music, my first passion. My first love.
So I've been playing a lot over the past few days, and am now planning on performing at the next jam session a.k.a on Tuesday. I am a little nervous to be back on stage, it has been months. Last time was in August in Chicago. It is a good thing that I have a couple weeks off before my next term starts. Right now, I am obsessed with Harmonicas. I want one. I've been imagining it in my head, I think it would bring something new to my songs. Speaking of which, I've also been editing my old songs, changing them a little. As I was reading the lyrics that I used to write, I couldn't recognise the person that wrote them in the first place! I guess it's called growing up. But still.
I am happy, even though everything is in the air and I haven't got a precise idea of what I want to do with this new inspiration but, considering the fact that I've had "songwriter's block" for over 2 years now, it feels good now.
I choose not to reflect upon only this year, but the past few ones.
And what do I see ?
I see a girl that was too eager to see the world. That had many dreams, most of which came true. A girl who only ever lived to be free and taste independance. That had set up goals, all of which have been achieved.
But tonight it doesn't seem enough. And I am starting to wonder : will it ever be, enough?
I've seen some beautiful places, met people that inspired me and others that challenged me. And along the way I learnt many things about myself, and became the person that I am today. However, I am starting to feel like slowing down. For the first time in my life, I don't want to think. I don't want to plan. I want to be able to just enjoy "now", this moment.
And what am I afraid of?
I am afraid that everything that I have done up until now will just be a memory and that I will no longer see beautiful places and get that same feeling I had when my foot touched the ground of New York on that warm Summer day.
The words of someone are still in my head: "Be careful, the wheel of fortune turns round". Is that so?
Maybe that is the very reason why I've always wanted to plan, and plan more, and do things, more things, so many things I can't actually fit in one schedule: keep myself busy so that I never stop and the wheel of fortune will never turn round.
Lately though, I have found myself escaping from my obligations. I have found myself not wanting to plan anymore, because I realised something.
I realised that after this year, my last year of studies, I will be faced with real responsabilities. All my years of working and interning in different cities over the summer was all I wanted: being given responsabilities. It was supposed to prepare me for the "real life". But now that it is so close to actually happen, my "real life", I feel like backing off. And running away.
The other night I saw a documentary on TV that took my breath away. Even though it was about exotic birds, a subject that doesn't necessarily appeal to me, it showed breathtaking sceneries of uninhabited places on Earth. And within a second, I thought to myself: this is it. This is what I want to do. What I want to see. What I need. Why not take some time off before "real life" kicks in and see all those places that I haven't seen yet? I was only ever interested in big cities. Concrete jungles. But lately, I have been dreaming of other places. And even if they are only dreams and might never be fulfilled, I have to say that they are warming me on the inside and giving me the perspective of a new, unplanned, route... And I am really liking this new feeling.