Today is December 25th.
If you could make one wish, What would it be?
An old friend told me to reflect upon this year.
So I am reflecting.
I choose not to reflect upon only this year, but the past few ones.
And what do I see ?
I see a girl that was too eager to see the world. That had many dreams, most of which came true. A girl who only ever lived to be free and taste independance. That had set up goals, all of which have been achieved.
But tonight it doesn't seem enough. And I am starting to wonder : will it ever be, enough?
I've seen some beautiful places, met people that inspired me and others that challenged me. And along the way I learnt many things about myself, and became the person that I am today. However, I am starting to feel like slowing down. For the first time in my life, I don't want to think. I don't want to plan. I want to be able to just enjoy "now", this moment.
And what am I afraid of?
I am afraid that everything that I have done up until now will just be a memory and that I will no longer see beautiful places and get that same feeling I had when my foot touched the ground of New York on that warm Summer day.
The words of someone are still in my head: "Be careful, the wheel of fortune turns round". Is that so?
Maybe that is the very reason why I've always wanted to plan, and plan more, and do things, more things, so many things I can't actually fit in one schedule: keep myself busy so that I never stop and the wheel of fortune will never turn round.
Lately though, I have found myself escaping from my obligations. I have found myself not wanting to plan anymore, because I realised something.
I realised that after this year, my last year of studies, I will be faced with real responsabilities. All my years of working and interning in different cities over the summer was all I wanted: being given responsabilities. It was supposed to prepare me for the "real life". But now that it is so close to actually happen, my "real life", I feel like backing off. And running away.
The other night I saw a documentary on TV that took my breath away. Even though it was about exotic birds, a subject that doesn't necessarily appeal to me, it showed breathtaking sceneries of uninhabited places on Earth. And within a second, I thought to myself: this is it. This is what I want to do. What I want to see. What I need. Why not take some time off before "real life" kicks in and see all those places that I haven't seen yet? I was only ever interested in big cities. Concrete jungles. But lately, I have been dreaming of other places. And even if they are only dreams and might never be fulfilled, I have to say that they are warming me on the inside and giving me the perspective of a new, unplanned, route... And I am really liking this new feeling.